Getting it on with Till Lindemann

Forgive my obscure and exotic taste in celebrity crushes. For the uninitiated, this is Till Lindemann:



...and this is what he does for a living.

My dream began with me traveling to Europe on holiday and meeting a random guy in a bar who turned out to be German rock star Till Lindemann. Oh lucky me! So I dragged him off into a corner and had my way with him.

Some time later, my back suddenly went out and I couldn't straighten up. I teetered around the neighbourhood on my way home, every step an agony, unable to raise my head, but sure that once I was home my suffering would end. I crossed a street precariously and entered my building from the back, passing a convenience store that is not there in real life. Searching for the elevators, I find a large meeting room full of people discussing matters of concern to the building, but I don't stay because of my impaired condition. Continuing my search for the elevators I find many features in the building that also are not there in real life, including restaurants, bars, shopping, a fountain, a huge terrace and a library full of neighbours doing research. The way to my own front door eludes me. Finally, I come to an enormous main foyer complete with doormen and escalators. Now I have my bearings and I head straight home.

My home is also full of things that are not there in real life. The dream ends with me lying down on a deck lounge on my new giant patio in the sky, relaxed at last.

The boy who turns onto a dog

I am coming down a steep flight of wooden stairs when I hear a commotion below me. Some boys run past me up the stairs, looking frightened, and I see they are being threatened by another boy their own age. He is a scary kid - he has that vibe of someone you can't trust. As I come up to this kid, he suddenly turns into a pitbull & bites my right hand. I can hear the bones crunching. People see me in trouble but keep their distance because of the dog. Some call for help.

The dog doesn't tear at my hand, but just holds it tight in its jaws so I can't move. I try to ignore the pain while I wait for help to come. In my mind I am thinking, how can this be resolved so that the dog doesn't have to die? As I think that, the whole world goes to sleep.

Everyone in the world hibernates for a long time. I wake up early, and my hand is healed. I think about the dog, but someone tells me it is still asleep, and if it wakes up early, then nothing will change. Some creatures have to sleep longer so they can change for the better. Later on, I see the dog, and it has changed back into the boy, and he has grown up into a man who works on fishing boats. We only see each other for a moment, and it is uncomfortable because of our past conflict, but he seems a nice enough man and I am relieved.